tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-43302799431245274442024-02-08T04:45:32.753-08:00Diary of a SatanistMy name is Infinity and I have been an independent Satanist for the past year. This blog is based on my experience with Satanism and how I live day to day as a Satanist.Infinityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16655958644915997293noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4330279943124527444.post-69557676761973546722011-06-18T21:17:00.000-07:002011-06-18T21:17:39.655-07:00My Views As A Theistic Satanist<div style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;">Often times I will be asked, "What kind of a Satanist are you?" Well, I would like to answer that question by stating that I had started out as a Modern Satanist because at the time I thought there was only one kind of Satanism. Soon after, I joined the Church of Satan. It was after I came across two websites called Spiritual Satanist and Theistic Satanism when I realized there was more to Satanism than I originally thought.</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;">Once I got acquainted with Venus Satanas on her Facebook page, she encouraged me to seek my own path without caring what others thought. Taking her advice and thinking about my experiences growing up, I began to realize I was more a Theistic Satanist than I was Modern. I began writing books and articles about the knowledge I gained through my journey and this is how my two most popular blogs, Satanic Pride and Diary of a Satanist came to be. It is my belief that helping and encouraging others who are just starting out to do the same is very important for the Satanic Community. It is also a beautiful and rewarding experience when you have individuals who say they like your Satanic Ideals.</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;">It is important for any beginning Satanist to dig deep within themselves and read everything they can get their hands on no matter what that material may be. Even I have five Holy Bibles kept in my closet that I will read occasionally for historic purposes because I feel it's important to keep up to date with what is going on in the world of Christianity as well as the world we live in. Knowledge is power. The more knowledge you gain, the more valuable you become to the Satanic Community and right now, in the world we live in, that is a necessity.</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;">Theistic Satanism is different than Modern because we see Satan as more than a symbol of pride or freedom. To us, he is actually an entity who encourages individual thinking, a force behind nature, the God of this world, the God of our flesh, the God of our mind, and the God of our own innermost Will. Personally, Theistic Satanism is having an open and sensible mind and accepting those of different cultures, as well as religion. Since I know that no two people are alike, opinions vary, and Satanic views aren't always going to be the same, which means no two people are going to be 100% acceptable of other peoples' opinions and beliefs. We all have different tastes in everything we do and different lifestyles but, that in itself, does not mean we cannot be Satanists.</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;">As I have grown in just a short time, my belief in my him grows stronger every day, I feel it is important to thank him each and every day for the freedom that we have. After all, if it wasn't for Satan standing up to God in the first place, we would still be slaves to Christianity. It is through him that we have this freedom to think for ourselves and to claim self ownership. But be aware that there are still people who are trying to make us slaves to Christian morals because of their beliefs and how they view and live by the bible, and these are the people that we have to be aware of.</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;">As a Theistic Satanist, it is important for me to live my life to the fullest and to live to the best of my ability. With Satan watching over me, I know I will have his blessing.</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;">If you anyone has any questions they would like to ask me or would just like to talk about Satanism in general, you can contact me at http://www.facebook.com/eleanor.everett or you can simply write to me at infinitydiabolus@gmail.com and I would be more than happy to be of assistance. I would like to thank Venus Satanas and Diane Vera for their encouragement through this rewarding journey and for being valuable leaders in the Satanic Community. For those who are wondering, I am no longer a member of the Church of Satan.</div>Infinityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16655958644915997293noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4330279943124527444.post-65644529645546452732011-03-01T19:46:00.000-08:002011-07-18T15:57:13.790-07:00IndividualityI get so tired of hearing other people say who can and can't be a Satanist. I hate to tell these dumb mother fuckers that Satanism does not discriminate and it does not prejudice. Satanism just simply is. I hear all the time that if you read certain books, you're not a Satanist. You listen to certain music, you're not a Satanist. And here is my favorite one. You're not a Satanist if you listen to Lady Gaga!! Oh, wait a minute, here's another one. YOU'RE NOT A SATANIST IF YOU ARE LADY GAGA!! Right there says it all. Those two statements, let me remind you, is not only discrimination but it is also being prejudice. Next, we'll be told that we aren't Satanist's because we wear pink underwear. Oh, and by the way, I wear whatever underwear is convenient. Sometimes, I don't wear any. I'm sure those who know what I'm talking about gets the picture.<br />
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I am a Satanist and yes, I listen to Lady Gaga. To me, she is my inspiration. I listen to her music when I'm writing. I listen to her music when I'm cooking. I listen to her music when I'm doing housework. I'm probably the only person in the world who can make cooking and cleaning look fun. I dance to her music when I'm doing both and I have neighbors looking out of their windows watching me. I don't give a shit really. Let them look. All that matters is that I'm having fun and that I am free to do as I choose.<br />
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Satanism, let me remind those who need reminding, is a philosophy to some and a religion to others. To me, it is both. Satanism, and I'm going to spell out is, I- N- D- I- V- I-U- A- L- I-T-Y. It is the philosophy of the self and it is the religion of the self. It DOES NOT matter who or what you are, what country you are from, what your name is, what you look like, if you have sex or don't have sex, if you're gay, or if you're bisexual. Satanism just simply is.<br />
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From what I've seen of Lady Gaga during her interviews and from a creative aspect, I think she is more of a Satanist than those who say they are. <br />
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I can be crazy when I want to be. Add a few drinks and some really good music and I'm as bad as they get. That is pretty much when I let my Satanic self or, perhaps, my inner Demon, out of its cage. Does that mean I am any less of a Satanist? Hell no! It just means I choose when and where I decide to let it all hang out and, for, Lady Gaga, it is her stage.Infinityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16655958644915997293noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4330279943124527444.post-88174221783706729322011-02-26T00:00:00.000-08:002011-02-26T13:30:16.156-08:00Divine IntuitionI spent a good portion of my time working on my book that will be finished soon. It is going to be called The Theory and Practice of Satanism for the Independent Satanist. I think I have another two months of work left to do on it (maybe less) and it's something that I'm going to be very happy with. Last night I stayed up until 3 a.m. working on it and I ended up taking a three hour nap later on during the afternoon. This book is going to be special and I think I'm going to find a publisher for it because I want it to be distributed world wide. It's what I'm supposed to do. At least that is what my intuition is telling me.<br />
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My next project is going to be music. I will be writing and playing my songs and recording them to upload to the Internet. Plans are in the works for the videos I'll be making on YouTube and all I'm going to say is that I'm going to have a lot of fun with this one. My inner demon is hard at work and I'm envisioning a lot of good stuff. I can't wait. They're going to be theatrical. So my list is as follows 1) my book 2) music 3) videos. In my videos I won't be discussing Satanism like the other videos you see on Youtube. They're going to be so much more than that and I think Lady Gaga will approve. hehehe. You will see. I see visions inside my head and I know what it is that I'm supposed to do. It's going to be wonderful. And new.<br />
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Monday is going to be a special day because Lady Gaga's video for Born This Way comes out and I am so excited that the anticipation is making me insane. I think I watched almost every video of her's on YouTube and I absolutely love her performances and the videos she makes. I love the fact that she uses symbols in just about all of her videos and bathes in blood during her live performances. I don't know if it's real blood but knowing her, I wouldn't doubt it. But it's cool though. I love it and I love the darkness. I was watching this video and she was in this fountain rubbing blood all over herself. I wish I could have been there. I would have bathed in it with her. AS ABOVE, SO BELOW.<br />
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I think my favorite live performance is the Exorcist Interlude where this woman in black pukes on her and then it shows Lady Gaga munching on a heart and blood is dripping down her chin. That was remarkable. I saw the photo of her holding the heart and I could see the bite marks where she had been biting into it and I keep wondering if the heart was actually real. It looked real, but it could have been fake I guess. I wouldn't be surprised if it was real and it wouldn't bother me a bit. I actually love it.<br />
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To others, who don't understand, she is just Lady Gaga, but I see more than that, which I'm not going to go into detail. All I'm going to say is watching her videos is like a watching live Satanic rituals on video and I seem to understand the messages she sends out. I can see them as plain as day. In an interview, I can't remember which one, she said when she is on stage she feels like she is inside her fans. Well, sometimes I feel like she's inside me. Sometimes my vision will go blurry and then it feels like she's inside my head. Doesn't happen all the time. Just occasionally. I've been told to stay away from her music but no fucking way am I going to do that. I'm getting an MP3 player this week and I'm downloading all of her songs so I can take her music on the go. The other night I had a dream about her and she was sitting in this throne with a guy standing on each side of her and I was standing before her. That's all I remember. I haven't figured out if it meant anything, but it's probably because I spent all day listening to her music.<br />
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I can't wait until her next single JUDAS comes out. I was thinking about that and I ended up writing a ritual called THE SUPPER OF JUDAS on my Satanic Pride blog. Of all the stuff I have written thus far, that seems to be one of my favorites. I don't know where I come up with all this stuff. Sometimes I see words, images, and ideas, forming in my head and so I write them as I see them happening. I guess you can call it Divine Intuition. Or maybe it's my inner Demon speaking to me. I think it's both. It doesn't matter as long as I can continue doing what I love.Infinityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16655958644915997293noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4330279943124527444.post-72152936329441836242011-02-09T20:11:00.000-08:002011-02-26T06:08:41.952-08:00The Mother of MonstersFor the past two weeks now I have gotten addicted to Lady Gaga. I've watched her videos I don't know how many times and all I can say is, "Wow! She absolutely blows my mind." I see and hear her videos inside my head but the fact remains. She is incredible.<br />
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What fascinates me about her is that she really drives herself to achieve the impossible because in her eyes there is no impossible. She just does it. She is a risk taker, a go getter, and nothing gets in her way. Despite what people say about her being mind controlled, they are so full of shit it isn't funny. From what I've seen, she does those things because she wants to.<br />
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I listen to her music while I'm writing because it inspires me and, of course, it puts me in a devilish mood. But now I know when the Jehovah Witnesses come around all I have to do to get rid of them is play some Lady Gaga and they'll turn and run like hell. Hail Mother Monster for the wonderful music!Infinityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16655958644915997293noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4330279943124527444.post-80355671896502405212011-02-03T21:14:00.000-08:002011-02-04T18:54:22.926-08:00Time Will TellAlthough I started out as a Modern Satanist, I seem to be slipping away from it each and every day. But maybe it's just because I've been stressed out lately. I have had this feeling that I can't fight any longer and I've been fighting it for a couple of months now. My heart is telling me one thing but my mind is telling me something else. The more I fight it, the more miserable I feel. I know I'm changing. I can see it in my writing. How this happened, I don't know. It just did.<br />
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</div><div>For example, if we Modern Satanists don't believe in Satan why do we call out to him? This reminds me of Wiccans who use magick but yet they cast circles to protect them from gods and goddesses they call upon. I'm starting to feel hypocritical. It's like saying, "Hello, Satan. I don't believe in you but I'm calling upon your name anyway. I hope you don't mind." Maybe, in a sense, that is why I never took up ritualistic practices, but today, you know what happened? I bought all the stuff I needed to do rituals with and it was like being under a spell. I just did it and I got all of it for under $100. It was like, wow that worked out well. Too well, in fact. </div><div><br />
</div><div>I just don't know what beliefs I believe in right now and that's the problem. Maybe if I stopped fighting this feeling and looked deep within, I would find the answer. It seems when you look too hard for something you don't see it until you aren't looking for it anymore and that is usually when you realize the answer was in front of you the whole time. Maybe that's what I need to do. Stop looking so hard and just let the answer come to me when it's ready. </div><div><br />
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</div>Infinityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16655958644915997293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4330279943124527444.post-80346482180056172262011-01-25T20:37:00.000-08:002011-01-25T20:46:22.694-08:00Professionals Aren't Always RightDoctors can be a real pain in the ass and I don't care if they're professionals with medical certificates, they don't know a patients body better than the patient does. In fact, I think some doctors are a bunch of quakes and it's pretty sad when I have to tell them how to do their damn job.<br />
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I have a central line catheter that goes directly into my heart and this is because I have pulmonary hypertension. For the past two months I've been having problems with the incision site and it gets all itchy and my skin is so dry from the harsh weather we have here in Maine. Because I've had this thing in my body for two years now on the right side of my chest my skin is breaking down from the cleaning and bandages and my body is telling me that it is time to change it and put it on the other side. Unfortunately, the doctors don't want to put me through the trauma of having it removed and put back in cause it is sorer than a mother fucker when it's done but I would rather go through that than have itchy burning skin 24/7, and this makes the second time in a month that they put me on antibiotics. It's like, "Hello, you dumb mother fuckers. Instead of doctoring the problem up with a quick fix, why not just get to the bottom of the problem and be done with it?" Putting me on antibiotics is only a quick fix and yes, it takes care of the problem temporarily but when I'm finished taking them the problem comes back three days later. <br />
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I guess fixing the problem is too much work for the assholes. The problem is when they wait too long and it gets so infected, I have to go into the hospital and be treated with antibiotics for two weeks through an IV. They don't like for me to leave and I'm pretty much there for a month. One group of doctors want the catheter to come out but the other group wants to save it and so I sit there until someone makes up their minds.<br />
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Eventually, it will get taken care of but it's just the idea of putting up with the itching and the burning. However, I will just keep doing what I'm doing until they realize I've been right along.<br />
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The point is, no matter how professional a person is, they aren't always right. Even though they don't like to admit it, they make mistakes too. Sometimes, they make too many.Infinityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16655958644915997293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4330279943124527444.post-43334859072033360092011-01-20T09:12:00.000-08:002011-01-20T13:04:34.847-08:00Don't Assume the ObviousEveryone is wondering how the meeting turned out which was two hours long. It is every time they come. Sometimes it's for three. Well, everything worked out fine and I weren't a total bitch about it. I just told her I would like to know ahead of time of any schedule changes or no one was going to come at all.<br />
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I took my medication before I went to sleep and I think that played a big part in how I handled things. Just because a situation looks the most obvious doesn't really mean it is. There is always another side to a story. It helps looking at a situation from all angles instead of just assuming or being paranoid about it, which I have a habit of doing when I'm not on my medication.<br />
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I was doing some research last night on my ancestors who were Passamaquoddy Indians who originated between here and New Brunswick. My great grandmother, Sarah Sadie Smith, was a full blooded Indian from a Maine tribe. She caught Polio at a young age and had to use crutches to walk with because she couldn't use one of her legs. Before my mom passed away, she said my great grandmother had a terrible temper and would throw knives and forks at her husband. She said, she threw a fork one night and it caught her husband in the back of his neck. My Grandfather, Earl Lewis Smith, was a half blooded Indian but he wasn't from an Indian tribe because my great grandmother had him after she left her tribe. He also had a bad temper. He would throw knives at my grandmother, threatened to burn her alive while she was sleeping in her bed, and he would violently beat her.<br />
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The reason why I was doing research was because my family on my mother side experiences some type of psychological problems and I was wondering if it could have been inherited from my great grandmother as well as from my grand father. It would be interesting to find that out. From the sound of things, we probably have bi-polar or something. And if that's the case, I better stay the hell on my medication, which means finding a new doctor or a new pharmacy so I won't experience what I went through again. My social worker asked me if I thought about hurting myself while I was off my medication and I said no. I thought about hurting other people.<br />
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I did have nightmares while I was off it though and the nightmare I'm about to tell you was wicked. One night, while I was drifting off into a deep sleep, I saw, in my dream, a black thing hovering over me and it was holding my head down so I couldn't get up. I was thrashing my arms, trying to get this thing off me, and I tried calling out for help (in my dream of course) but no one was around to hear me. I was starting to wake up but I couldn't get out of the dream and I became frightened. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't wake up. Was I astral projecting? Well, I weren't exactly sure but suddenly the black thing let go and I was able to wake up. As soon as I went back to sleep the black thing hovered over me again and held me down and I felt the same experience that I felt before. This time I could see this thing taking possession of me and I saw myself changing into a different person. A person that I become when I'm not on my medication. In my head, I heard myself saying, "No! I will not let you change me. I am stronger than you." During the time the black thing had hold of me, I remember calling out to Venus and asking for help and I saw her standing in the darkness, behind a fire, performing a ritual. The black thing let go, and the next day the pharmacy said my medication was ready.<br />
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Although the nightmare was scary, it turned out to be pretty awesome.Infinityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16655958644915997293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4330279943124527444.post-84257795877646829322011-01-17T20:33:00.000-08:002011-01-17T20:33:30.677-08:00On My Way AgainTomorrow is Tuesday, the kids go back to school, which means I can get back to work on my projects. Well, actually, that will have to wait until Wednesday because I have a couple of bitches who decided they were going to move our next meeting from Feb. 1 to tomorrow the 18th without notifying me of the change and so now I am going to let them have it. These are the rules. 1) They come to my house when I know they are coming unless I'm notified a few days ahead of time or they don't come at all. The email that was sent to me was dated Jan 3 and so this gave them plenty of time to CALL. They know the luck I have with computers and I told them I may not always be able to get to my email. 2) If this happens again I will cancel all services from both Community Concepts and Creative Innovations. 3) The workers who come in to work with my boys will no longer be working on the weekends. My boys need to spend time with their father but my oldest son can't because his worker only wants to work on the days that she wants to. Well that is going to end and she will either work three days during the week or not all. 4) My youngest son is going to have an evaluation done with "his" doctor whether they like it or not. 5) I will choose the counseling services that my kids need in order to deal with the death of their grandmother and aunt not them. After all, I am the parent and I will do what I think is best for them.<div><br />
</div><div>I just hate it when people think they can come into my home and disrupt our lives and show up unannounced. "Oh, Ellie, is home. I think I'll stop in to annoy her." Just because I'm home every day does not give anyone the right to show up unannounced, unless of course they are a friend of the family or myself. Nothing pisses me off more than people who think because I have a lung condition I can't take care of my kids or myself. I've had this condition for eight years and they've been coming to my house for the past year. I know what I'm doing and I don't need them holding my hand. The more I think about their treachery, the more I want to tell them to go fuck themselves.</div><div><br />
</div><div>I am strong willed and determined and I try to stay focus at all times. Sometimes when I run out of medication for a condition that runs in my family called depression I have to struggle with negative thinking and I can get really dark, out of focus, and hateful to the people I love and admire. If I knew what antidepressants did to a person's mind when they weren't on them, I would have found a different alternative if there was one. <br />
<div>They work when you're on them but if it takes a week for a doctor to refill them when the prescription runs out like it always happens to me, it is pure hell for the individual and for the people around them. I don't know how hard it is for a doctor to call in a prescription. I called four days before I ran out and still had to wait a week. And they wonder why people go crazy.</div><div><br />
</div><div>What happens is, a chemical in the brain ends up getting dependent on that medication just like nicotine, alcohol, and drugs. The brain is happy when it has it but when it doesn't, it gets confused and is no longer feeling that happy feeling and so the brain starts to change. Sometimes this causes a person to go on a rampage, commit suicide, commit violent acts towards the people they swore they would never harm, but the brain isn't thinking right and so the individual loses control. In my case, I am taking 120 mg's of Cymbalta, two tablets daily. I don't understand why my doctor increased the dosage from 60 mg's to 120 mg's when I was feeling fine, but she did, and so when they take their sweet time refilling my prescription I can find myself in a really bad place in a real hurry. But my plan next time is calling a week ahead of time instead of four days before. Hopefully, I won't find myself there again but I'm not going to hold my breath.</div></div><div><br />
</div><div>Now I've come across a few people who are Satanists ( if you can call them that) and it makes me so angry when they lash out at people who has to take medicine for depression, personality problems, or whatever, and they make remarks that people with such ailments aren't Satanists; but losers who should be put out of their misery. Well, I'm sure all of you know who these Satanists are because they think if you hold a membership card, you are a true Satanist and those who don't are posers or whatever. (I'm trying not to laugh at their ignorance but I can't help myself) and this is another reason why I am no longer part of their organization. I'm more of a Satanist than they will ever be and that is the fucking truth. And it isn't exactly the Satanist's fault if they have such ailments that run in their family. This is something that can not be controlled.</div><div><br />
</div><div>But anyway, I have my medicine now and I can feel the change working in my brain again. In a few days I will be good as new and I'll be off to working on my projects again. </div><div><br />
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</div>Infinityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16655958644915997293noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4330279943124527444.post-85352437749003763742011-01-13T20:22:00.000-08:002011-01-14T09:07:55.803-08:00Putting Loyalty Where It BelongsI found myself in a situation this week when I met this individual three weeks ago on Venus Satanas Facebook page and she had sent me a friend request. I accepted and so we were getting along pretty well writing back and forth to each other and chatting online and then one day she just got all bent out of shape because I wouldn't stop communicating with Venus and she blocked and removed both of us from her friend list. <br />
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Not only is this behavior just plain childish but it is also unsatanic. It doesn't bother me that she did this cause I think it's down right hilarious myself. With her calling herself a Satanist and blah, blah, blah, I am laughing myself into hysterics. I am a devilish little thing that I admit. But for someone to give me an ultimatum between someone I hardly met and someone who I consider an inspiration and/or mentor doesn't go well with me and, of course, I am going to put my loyalty where it belongs. I would be foolish (not to mention brave) to disrespect Venus in such a way.<br />
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I guess what happened was, this person ordered from Venus' shop and I don't know what the story is with that and I don't really care to know. The least I know the better, but because she felt betrayed by her she no longer liked Venus and so she thought I should do the same. Well, I just don't do things for the hell of it and I don't do things just because it is the "in thing." I pretty much do what I want. <br />
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I have ordered from Satanas' Shop before, last year right around in January and I got what I ordered sooner than I thought I was going to considering the Azazel pendant is special ordered or something and takes longer to ship; but I got it exactly when she said I would. So if it's not my problem why make it so? I order from ebay or Amazon.com myself cause of the free shipping or faster shipping services. But what I will say is this: "If you don't like the service go elsewhere. Why keep complaining?"<br />
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This individual got her refund but she still wasn't happy, but that's her problem not mine. I know where my loyalty rests and always will. And yeah, I hear people saying, "Venus is playing you, don't be a fool." "She's watching you because she's afraid you're going to be a competition." "She wants to keep you under her shadow." From past conversations I've had with Venus I hardly doubt she's playing me. What would she gain by doing so? And out of two thousand some odd followers, why would she single me out? It doesn't make sense. What is she going to do? Sign me up for the New World Order and have me become her Super Soldier? When I happened to mention that to her the other day in the chatroom she didn't like that. I pretty much wrote out my comment that I wasn't a competition to her, had no intentions of being one and blah, blah, blah. I left in a hurry so she couldn't respond but I ended up going back and wham-o. She copied and pasted the comment I had written and wanted me to explain myself. "Why do you think this?" she asked. Gulp! That was tough so I just told her to forget what I said and she agreed. Right there, I know, if she had a problem with me or if she saw something I wrote that she didn't like she's going to let me KNOW.<br />
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I know Venus is keeping tabs on me and that's okay. You know how I know? Because I would do the same.Infinityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16655958644915997293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4330279943124527444.post-68173318089589512312011-01-06T21:52:00.000-08:002011-01-07T12:01:46.612-08:00Feeding My EgoSome things never cease to amaze me about the way people can really treat one another. All I can do is shake my head and do the best I can to ignore it, but I do admit, I am a little hot headed when it comes to confrontations. I realize situations are best handled properly and not like a wild animal with my teeth showing and a deep growl in my throat. And yes, I do growl a lot. <br />
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</div><div>Ever since I've been within the Satanic community, I have noticed that it's a war zone out here in this world we call the Internet. Satanists clash with other Satanists claiming they're the true Satanists, then you have other Satanists who dislike Satanic groups and organizations and they even come up with a name like "sheep herders." Well, I guess that's a term I use but it sounds pretty good just the same. Nevertheless, groups and organizations are considered as such by others. This satanist hates that satanist because they believe differently and so it goes on and on and on. But where does it stop? And where do we draw the line? That is a good question. One that I'm not sure I have the answer to. </div><div><br />
</div><div>I have had my fair share of confrontations but I don't let it get in my way. I can't, because then what kind of a person would I be? A wimp? A weakling? I hardly call myself a wimp or a weakling because I always pick myself up and carry on. It's all I can do and I'll be damned if I'm going to let it discourage me from accomplishing my goals. </div><div><br />
</div><div>For the past month or so I observed Spiritual, Theistic Satanists while I was visiting Venus Satanas facebook page and I took a lot from other Satanists who disapproved. Studying and observing is how I learn. I can't help it and I find myself doing it more and more. I enjoy learning from other people and it is true when they say, "Knowledge is power." Well, I happen to like the power and I want more. It feeds my ego and it gives me one hell of a rush. What's so wrong with that?</div><div><br />
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</div>Infinityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16655958644915997293noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4330279943124527444.post-24578552880881307232010-12-19T23:04:00.000-08:002010-12-19T23:04:19.361-08:00Getting My Priorities StraightFor the past month I had been away from my projects due to complications with computers and so during this time I was able to get caught up on a few projects like "The Unholy Scriptures," and "Book of the Antichrist; the Beast of Revelation 666," along with a couple of other things that needed my attention.<br />
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I completed another project called "The Satanic Pride Network" but due to wise words from a friendly acquittance and mentor I took it down and is no longer available for membership.<br />
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Why did I do this? Well, for starters, being a leader of the herd conformity isn't who I am. I don't want to be this Satanic icon you see everywhere you look because someone wants to be in the spotlight and Satanism (as well as other religions) is a sure way of getting there. I don't want to mislead people into thinking that I am something that I am not and because of this, I realize not only as an individual but also as a Satanist, that I need to get my priorities straight.<br />
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The thing is, if I want to write about Satanism, I want to do it for all the right reasons. I want to do it because I enjoy it. To me, it isn't about the fame and it isn't about the money. In my eyes, it's about passion.Infinityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16655958644915997293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4330279943124527444.post-63453339600246916602010-11-07T09:42:00.000-08:002010-11-07T13:58:38.130-08:00Standing Up For What I Believe InBefore I get into the article I read on spiritualsatanist.blogspot.com I just wanted to say that I have been a member of the Church of Satan since April 9, 2010. Some people may be wondering why I'm on Venus Satanas facebook page. Believe me, it comes with consequences but I'm strong enough to stand on my two feet. Writing about how I feel about Satanism hasn't been easy for me and a lot of what Venus said in her article is true. There are some Satanists out there who feel no one else's opinion matters and if you do speak your opinion, you'll get ridiculed and in some cases harassed for speaking your mind. I go through it too and in one instance another member had read my blog "Diary of a Satanist," and was very upset with me and left a remark, "Go back to your domestic life and stop misinforming the public." I kindly told him to go fuck himself, by asking him, "What makes you so special that you think you're the only one who has opinions and beliefs.?" Some people say, "You dare to speak to other members like that?" Sure, I do. Even Peter Gilmore, the highpriest of the Church of Satan says they can't weed out all the assholes who hold a Church of Satan card. <br />
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I like writing and I like writing about Satanism because I feel it is my calling. I like sharing what I know and what I learn from other people, and in the past two weeks that I've gotten to know Venus, I have learned a lot from her and I continue to do so. What I didn't know when I started writing about Satanism is that you need to have a back bone and learn to stand up against others when the need arises. I didn't know that it was going to be such a big deal, that other Satanists would get offended by it. I hear people arguing all the time that they are the true religion and you know, I grew up as a Christian and that is all I heard. So technically, when we argue about being the true religion and harassing each other for expressing different opinions, we aren't acting any better than they are.<br />
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As I read the new article "Satanism and Spirituality- Not a Competition" by Venus Satanas it helped clear up a lot of things for me. The article made me question my motives as to why I want to write about Satanism. Am I doing it to compete among other members? Am I doing it for all the wrong reasons? Why am I really doing it? Am I trying to be the next Anton LaVey or the lovely Venus Satanas?<br />
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The answer to the first question is, I could careless about the competition. I do it because I love it and I have a voice that I want to be heard. The reasons that I'm doing it is because there is so little information out there about Satanism that it isn't even funny by my standards. I looked for books on Amazon.com and I only found a few that was any helpful. Lulu.com is different because you can find all kinds of stuff on there about Satanism but a lot of it is misleading and untruthful and where I have writing experience, I thought it was time to take part and help change that. And the last answer is no way do I consider being the next Anton LaVey or the Venus Satanas. I am my own person, with my own voice, with my own beliefs. I look up to these people because they made a difference in people's lives, they stood up for what they believed in, and no matter how rough things got, they always found a way. But, most importantly, they made a difference in mine. <br />
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I'm not an expert by all means. Although I may have been a born Satanist, it was just within the past two years that I've really gotten into it. The first year I studied and read every book I could get my hands on and this year I am writing about it as I go along which I think might be useful for others who are just starting out. And Venus is right. Satanism is not an easy road to travel and Satanism definitely isn't about holding a card that says you're a member of an organization. Unfortunately, anyone can carry a membership card.Infinityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16655958644915997293noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4330279943124527444.post-88049965252740592082010-11-06T12:56:00.000-07:002011-01-24T13:16:31.608-08:00The Unholy Scriptures<h3 class="sub"><br />
</h3><div class="post-54 post type-post status-publish hentry category-the-unholy-scriptures tag-satan tag-christians tag-freedom-and-happiness tag-the-unholy-scriptures-2 tag-unholy tag-testimonies tag-the-scriptures tag-shemhamforash tag-satans-law tag-forbidden-pleasures tag-pleasure tag-the-gifts-of-sin tag-sin" id="post-54"><div class="content"><h2>What I am about to present is something that I have been working on for a few weeks now. The Unholy Scriptures was written to mock the Jehovah Witness bible "The New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures. " This was written just for the fun of it so don't be alarmed. The full version of The Unholy Scriptures will be available in a couple of days. Some verses are not included with this version because they may be offensive to some viewers, meaning they are sexually explicit.</h2><div class="entry"><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"> 1</div><div style="text-align: center;">There are no gods before me for I am my own God.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">2</div><div style="text-align: center;">I am Satan, the Adversary, the opposite of good. I am the accuser, the Lord of Fire, the inferno. I am the south.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I am Lucifer, the bringer of light. I am the enlightenment and air and the morning star. I am the east.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I am Belial, the wicked one, I am without a master. I am the baseness of the earth and independence. I am the north.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I am Leviathan, the serpent of the seas. I am the west.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">3</div><div style="text-align: center;">The Xians say we are evil but, as you can see, that is not so. Look at the millions of people who have been slaughtered in the name of Jehovah. Tell us, who is evil now?</div><div style="text-align: center;">While the Xians stand in our line of judgment, we, Satanists, stand together in the Organization that stands firm.</div><div style="text-align: center;">We know the way to true indulgence, the path that leads to our freedom. And while we make ourselves plentiful, the Xians will sit back and do nothing.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">4</div><div style="text-align: center;">Through wisdom, knowledge and power, we stand above all others. We will not bow before anything or anyone for our true nature is serving ourselves.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">5</div><div style="text-align: center;">In the beginning was the word and the word was with Satan. The same was with the beginning because all things were made by him for without him these things would not be made. Through Satan there was life and this life gave light to every living creature. The life that gave light in the darkness became ever so brighter. Satan, the creator of all things, gave life to every living thing that came into the world.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">6</div><div style="text-align: center;">Praise Satan’s name with a whole and mighty heart for he does marvelous works.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">7</div><div style="text-align: center;">Ask not what Satan can do for you but what you can do for Satan.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">8</div><div style="text-align: center;">Blessed are they who walk in the counsel of Satan.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Blessed are they who keep their own commandments.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Blessed are they who smite their enemies hip and thigh.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Blessed are they who hate the Messiah with a whole and mighty heart.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Blessed are they who spits in the face of Christ.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Blessed are they who refuse to hear lies.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">9</div><div style="text-align: center;">Like the god they worship, the Xians are cold, heartless, and cruel. They have been that way since the beginning of time and they aren’t about to change now.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">10</div><div style="text-align: center;">I am the wild who can not be tamed and forever I will be free.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">11</div><div style="text-align: center;">The Xians consider us evil and wicked, but look at the things they have done.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">12</div><div style="text-align: center;">Jehovah’s word is detestable and so I will burn the Holy Bible every Satanic Holiday. I hate the father, the son, and the Holy Spirit and with Satan’s mighty sword I will strike them down.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">13</div><div style="text-align: center;">As I have said Many times before, I will not let the thoughts of God enter my mind for I refuse to be part of the enslavement.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">14</div><div style="text-align: center;">I drink from the cup of forbidden pleasures. I see the truth in all lies. I eat from the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and now my eyes have opened and I have become like God, and the sweetness on my tongue is forever more.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">15</div><div style="text-align: center;">Teach me, Satan, the way of your statutes and I will keep them to the end. Give me understanding and I will keep your Law. I will observe it with a whole heart.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Make me go into the paths of Darkness for therein I do find delight. Incline my heart to your testimonies and for this I will not refrain from my indulgences.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">16</div><div style="text-align: center;">As I walk in the paths of Darkness, I do seek your knowledge and for this I will speak of you. I will not be ashamed. I will delight myself in your books which I have loved for so long and I will meditate day and night. Help me understand your ways, Almighty Satan, and I will talk and write of your works. It is your knowledge that caused my heart to overflow with joy.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">17</div><div style="text-align: center;">Give me the power and knowledge that I so desire for I do believe in your works. Before I was afflicted with guilt and confusion and so I went astray. But now I have come to my senses and I am ready to be like you. You are good to me and because of this the Xians have forged a lie against me. It does not matter for I have learned your ways.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">18</div><div style="text-align: center;">O Satan, how I love your Law! It is meditation day and night. Through your ways I have been made wiser than any of my enemies for they are far beneath me. I have more understanding than all of my teachers because you have given it to me. I understand more than the ancient gods and goddesses because I continue to walk in the path of Darkness. I will never depart from you. Satan, you have taught me well. O how sweet your works are to my taste; they are sweeter than anything I have ever tasted.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">19</div><div style="text-align: center;">Hail Satan, the Prince of Darkness, the infernal Lord of Hell!</div><div style="text-align: center;">Be with me, Almighty Satan, as I perform this Unholy ceremony</div><div style="text-align: center;">Guide me through the darkest of life’s challenges and help me keep my faith in you strong. Give me the strength to conquer my fears, to understand that life is full of uncertainties. Make my enemies perish with whatever means necessary. Watch over me, Almighty Satan, and keep me from harm. Walk with me today and every day.</div><div style="text-align: center;">During this Unholy ceremony, I dedicate my mind, body, and soul.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Shemhamforash!</div><div style="text-align: center;">Hail Satan!</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">20</div><div style="text-align: center;">The Will of Satan is the Law. The gifts of sin are the deeds done in this world for he who strengthens the self gains mastery of the self.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">(c) Copyright by Infinity Diabolus</div></div></div></div>Infinityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16655958644915997293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4330279943124527444.post-36996832262737676012010-11-05T21:03:00.000-07:002010-11-05T21:06:32.328-07:00What Lurks Behind My EyesI had the wierdest dream this morning and Venus Satanas was in it and I think it might've been because I had stayed up late to watch to her dance video on Youtube. I thought she was amazing considering that she was pulling herself up and spinning around the pole one handed and hanging upside with just her legs. To pull yourself up with one arm takes incredible strength and she is definitely powerful.<br />
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In the dream, I was stumbling and falling down all over the place and it felt like I was drugged. In my mind, I knew I was under a spell and so I got in my car, drove off to find her, ended up driving off the road into someone's yard. They let me inside and I asked if they knew Venus Satanas and the woman looked at the guy, smiling, then said they didn't. I knew they were lying and as I started to walk away from the house, I fainted on the road. Later I woke up in another person's house and I still felt drugged. Outside the house were people wearing buisness suits looking for me. Among them was Venus. So I got up looking around and there was Venus waiting for me and she was not happy with me. I don't remember the conversation I had but she threw me down on my back and she was looking over me with her powerful eyes. I remember seeing a sentence tatooted on her arm that read something like, "The first ones to hate were the first ones who started it" or it might've been, "They were the first ones to hate and the first ones to start." I have been thinking about that all day and don't have a clue to what it means. The funny thing was while I was waking up, I was half conscious like I was coming around but it felt like I was being held down by something I couldn't see. This something kept telling me to stay but my mind was shouting, "Wake up! You have got to wake up!" I woke up as hard as it was and I felt groggy and wanted to go back to sleep to dream some more, but I finally came around not knowing where the hell I was and got ready for my meeting that I was supposed to have at noon.<br />
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In 2002, I was diagnosed with Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension and I have to mix my medicine every morning. So I did my mix and when I swept the empty containers into the trash I also swept my car keys into the trash. I looked all over the apartment for them and then I decided to empty the waste basket. When I laid the trash bag on the floor to put the new trash bag into the waste basket I heard the clinging sound of keys. Sure enough, they were there. Although I was fifteen minutes late for my meeting I was still able to see my Worker. <br />
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This evening I finished the second version of The Unholy Scriptures and I am now taking a break from typing it up. It will be done and uploaded on Lulu.com tomorrow...finally. It was a fun project to work on although most of the verses were referenced to Satan but I didn't know how else to make it Unholy. I know I'll be hearing about that but I'm a writer and that is what I do. I write to educate people and I write to entertain people. At first, I was going to write it up for myself because I was going to light a few black candles on Halloween and read out of it, but it wasn't done and I never got the kids to bed until late. And I mean late. But I thought, maybe other Satanists would like to read it so I posted the first version of it on my Satanic-Pride blog and got a lot of readers. If I can put a smile on peoples' faces and give them something to read that they would actually enjoy reading, I don't see what it is wrong with it. There was also a part of me that wrote it from the heart cause I put a lot feeling into it.<br />
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The second version includes the verses that I didn't write up in the first version because they were sexually explicit and if some Christian (like my sister in law for instance) came around they would probably report it. The dumb mother fuckers. So after tomorrow I can work on my next project. I might do some drawings and when I'm able to download the software to my camera onto my computer, I will upload them on Facebook and my websites as well.<br />
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Well, it's going on midnight and I'm going to head off to Infinity's World. I don't quite dare to ask what I might dream about tonight, but whatever lurks in my dreams will soon be waiting.Infinityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16655958644915997293noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4330279943124527444.post-31877767226354333572010-10-29T19:44:00.000-07:002011-01-24T13:31:56.230-08:00What Satanism Is To Me<div jquery1288398362375="1760"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 18px;">Satanism, depending on the tradition the Satanist is involved in, comes in many forms. Some Satanists believe Satanism is the worship of Satan as a deity while others believe he is an entity, a being, a force of nature, or a symbol representing freedom and indulgence. Although there is controversy as to who is right and who is wrong, I think it is up to the individual.</span></div><div jquery1288398362375="1761"><br />
</div><div jquery1288398362375="1762"><span class="WEBON_FONT" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="WEBON_SIZE" style="font-size: 18px;">To me Satanism is believing in yourself. If you didn't believe in yourself than nothing else would matter. Satanism wouldn't be as effective without the self belief</span></span><span class="WEBON_FONT" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="WEBON_SIZE" style="font-size: 18px;"> of the individual and would be just an empty shell with no meaning. To me he is not only a force of nature, or a reservoir of power that each and every one of us has within that we can tap into at will, but he is also a symbol that I choose to wear around my neck. He is also a symbol of man's pride. </span></span></div><div jquery1288398362375="1762"><span class="WEBON_FONT" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="WEBON_SIZE" style="font-size: 18px;"></span></span><span class="WEBON_FONT" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="WEBON_SIZE" style="font-size: 18px;"> </span></span></div><div jquery1288398362375="1763"><span class="WEBON_FONT" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="WEBON_SIZE" style="font-size: 18px;">But the bottom line is this: Satanism is about YOU and finding the path that is right for you.</span></span><span class="WEBON_FONT" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="WEBON_SIZE" style="font-size: 18px;"> </span></span> </div>Infinityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16655958644915997293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4330279943124527444.post-70347564163193539522010-10-27T16:09:00.000-07:002011-01-24T13:37:28.543-08:00What Is Satanism?In yesterday's post, I had mentioned that buning the Holy Bible, burning crosses upside down, and burning money wasn't what made a person a Satanist, however, I do believe that it is part of how a ritual ceremony may be performed. Although, I haven't performed any rituals as of yet, I do hear Satanists say they plan their rituals ahead of time and add whatever they want to it. If I was going to do rituals, hell yeah, maybe I would burn the Holy Bible, burn a cross upside down, or maybe burn a dollar to defile the government just to intensify the ritual, but I think it depends on each individual. <br />
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So today, I took my binder, wrote on a fresh clean piece of paper, and wrote "What Is Satanism?" Beneath the heading, I wrote out a list that looked like this. Satanism is.... Believing in yourself, the worship of the self, opposing Christianity and everything it stands for, being the opposite of what is supposed to be good in Christian mythology, indulging in the pleasures of the flesh, living to the best of your ability, becoming more than you are as both an individual and a Satanist, and believing in the creative aspects of your life.<br />
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For the time being, I will contemplate on this list and when I write tomorrow's post I will answer the question, "What Is Satanism To Me?"Infinityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16655958644915997293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4330279943124527444.post-34646102507422090002010-10-26T20:26:00.000-07:002010-10-26T20:26:01.990-07:00How Pleasant Life Can Be When We Least Expect ItI woke up this morning, logged into Facebook, and got a pleasant surprise from Venus Satanas. Oh, yeah! I just about died. Apparently, she likes the project I'm working on and said she would be posting the link to this blog on Spiritual Satanist and that she is following it and also subscribed to it. How awesome is that? Well, I think it's pretty fucking awesome myself. If she could only see the smile she brought to my face, then she would know just how much it really means to me.<br />
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Today was very busy. I spent a good portion of it working on my website which I have to say, absolutely rocks. I love how the images turned out for the background and, of course, I have a black and white pentagram on the front page. I'm really impressed with myself. I enjoy setting up websites and designing them myself cause it really shows that I put a lot of work into my projects. I wouldn't have it any other way. The design on this blog is what I used for the background. I uploaded the images from my computer so I could use them.<br />
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People ask me if I have someone design websites for me and when I tell them I do it all myself and I show them what I've done, they tell me I'm pretty intelligent. I'll admit it, I AM. <br />
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The artwork I can do myself cause I am also a self-taught artist. That is all I did in school and I ended up being called a "devil worshipper" because of the skulls I drew and stuff like that. As if that makes you a devil worshipper. I hate people sometimes. Some people are just plain ignorant. I can't stand them! That was around '89 and I was just a ninth grader during the Satanic Panic. Lucky me. I did think it was funny when Geraldo Rivera got his nose broken although someone should've stepped on his head. Makes me mad thinking about the crap they stirred back then. What fucking hell I went through at home though.<br />
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I had bought The Satanic Bible from this kid at school which didn't help matters any and I had left it on my desk when I had gone to school the next day. Well, my mom had just finished doing laundry (so she said) and put my clothes away when she happened to see The Satanic Bible. She went through the roof. She threw it away which I didn't have a chance to read, picked up my sister at her apartment cause she had errands to do, and told her about it. My sister, having experience and all, had to come to the rescue. She bought me this book at the drug store called "Satan's Underground," by Lauren Stratford or something like that and they made me read it hoping it would scare me. Naw! I weren't scared. I just grew more interested in what Satanism was really about. Now, look at me. I'm a Satanist. How ironic is that?<br />
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My sister wasn't a Satanist at all. Just because her and her doped up husband (and they were all on drugs) burned the Holy Bible, burned crosses upside down, and would burn money, doesn't make you a Satanist. Besides, my sister killed herself with a gun in June of 2008. Does that make her a Satanist? No it doesn't. She didn't have what it took. I do. Afterall, I'm still standing and I will be the last one to fall.<br />
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So anyway, back to my busy day. I carved and painted pumpkins with the kids. I have two boys and one girl. Damon is ten, William is 8, and Susan is 13. I have my hands full that's for sure. I was trying to cook supper and work on the computer too and the food started to burn on the stove. My daughter started coughing, opened a window, and said, "Mom, get in here! You're going to kill us with your cooking." I couldn't help from laughing. It was funny how she said it. We have good times together. All we do is laugh at the funniest things we say. And we do say some pretty silly things.<br />
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Another good thing that happened today is that I finally found a name for Infinity. Infinity Pride who walks in stride. Lol!<br />
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Well, it's getting late and I think I'm going to finish my Smirnoff and head off to dream land. I wonder what I'll dream about tonight? Hmmm, I'll have to wait and see.Infinityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16655958644915997293noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4330279943124527444.post-41537330977871563432010-10-25T10:23:00.000-07:002010-10-25T14:53:33.138-07:00An IntroductionThe new project I'm working on is called "The Diary of a Satanist" and this is a part of that project because everything I write on this blog is going to be put into a book. So first of all, I would like to tell you a little about myself before I proceed into the Unknown.<br />
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My Satanic name is Infinity but I didn't have a last name to put with it until now- I'll get that in a minute, but where I have three small children and live in a small town where everyone knows everyones' business, as much as I hate hiding behind a secret identity, I feel it is a necessity to me and my family to write under a different name. I gave myself the name Infinity about a year ago because my ideas are many and no one knows what I'm doing from one minute to the next. I have many projects and I work on them little by little each day depending how well my computer is working for me. Somedays I would just like to pick the thing up and throw out the window next to my desk. Of course, I always convince myself not to because until I can get a better one this piece of shit desktop is all I have. And I tell you, I've gone through two laptops in two years but my desktop is "old reliable." When all other computers fail, my Compaq Presario is always there waiting for my return. <br />
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I guess it shouldn't be a big deal to have a Satanic name because everyone seems to like it and it does fit me. It does look pretty good in print and I do have to say that it sounds good as well. It took me a few days of brainstorming but I'm picky and that isn't always a bad thing. Not for a Satanist anyway. But I have a couple of last names that I'm debating over which is Satanis or Luciferi-Excelsi. Like I said, I'm picky.<br />
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My background isn't all that different from most Satanists. As a child, my mother was a born again Christian and so me, my brother, and my sister all had to go to church. I went to church every Sunday from 9-12 then again in the evening from 6-8. I attended the Awana Club for three years and won two trophies for receiving the most points. I even attended a summer camp called Circle L for two summers in a row. During the closing ceremony my mom wanted to me to receive Christ as my savior and at the age of 11 I didn't have much choice. I remember my mom practically pushing me out of the pew to go up front. Two years later, I was baptized. I hated it and eventually my mother had to go to work after my father died and so we weren't made to go anymore.<br />
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You're probably wondering, "What does this have to do with anything?" Well, for starters, if you're a Satanist who has a similiar background, you might be struggling day to day with what you were brought up to believe in about Christianity. Second, I can tell you how I managed not to struggle with my faith in Satanism even though I was a Christian. And while we're on that topic, I will continue.<br />
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The main thing is having an open mind. You can't get into Satanism if your mind is closed to the Unknown. You have to expect the unexpected and listen to what your heart is telling you.<br />
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You have to get rid of the fear that keeps you from exploring the Unknown. Christianity places fear into the heart of the believer so they won't wander away from the teachings of God. This was the second thing I did, and I did this by reading The Satanic Bible written by Anton Szandor LaVey and whatever else I could get my hands on. To me, it was like taking the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and sinking my teeth into it. The flavor tasted sweet to my tongue and it was then that my eyes opened to the teachings of Satan. In the year that I've been into Satanism, I have not looked back once.<br />
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I am happy with what I have found because I was a Satanist all along. It just took me awhile to figure out what made me so special. I've come across people who said there was something special about me and I knew it too, but I just couldn't figure it out. I had only wished people would stop telling me how special I was and would tell me what made me special. Well, I finally figured that out by taking the first two steps mentioned above. <br />
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You also have to remember that some people are born into Christianity and some people aren't. It goes for Satanism as well. Some are born into it, some people aren't. Are you a born Satanist? And how can you tell if you are? Only you can answer the question and you can do that by digging deep into yourself.Infinityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16655958644915997293noreply@blogger.com2