Divine Intuition

I spent a good portion of my time working on my book that will be finished soon. It is going to be called The Theory and Practice of Satanism for the Independent Satanist.   I think I have another two months of work left to do on it (maybe less) and it's something that I'm going to be very happy with.  Last night I stayed up until 3 a.m. working on it and I ended up taking a three hour nap later on during the afternoon.  This book is going to be special and I think I'm going to find a publisher for it because I want it to be distributed world wide.  It's what I'm supposed to do.  At least that is what my intuition is telling me.

My next project is going to be music.  I will be writing and playing my songs and recording them to upload to the Internet.  Plans are in the works for the videos I'll be making on YouTube and all I'm going to say is that I'm going to have a lot of fun with this one.  My inner demon is hard at work and I'm envisioning a lot of good stuff.  I can't wait.  They're going to be theatrical.  So my list is as follows 1) my book 2) music 3) videos.  In my videos I won't be discussing Satanism like the other videos you see on Youtube.  They're going to be so much more than that and I think Lady Gaga will approve. hehehe.  You will see.  I see visions inside my head and I know what it is that I'm supposed to do.  It's going to be wonderful.  And new.

Monday is going to be a special day because Lady Gaga's video for Born This Way comes out and I am so excited that the anticipation is making me insane. I think I watched almost every video of her's on YouTube and I absolutely love her performances and the videos she makes.  I love the fact that she uses symbols in just about all of her videos and bathes in blood during her live performances.  I don't know if it's real blood but knowing her, I wouldn't doubt it.  But it's cool though.  I love it and I love the darkness. I was watching this video and she was in this fountain rubbing blood all over herself.  I wish I could have been there.  I would have bathed in it with her.   AS ABOVE, SO BELOW.

I think my favorite live performance is the Exorcist Interlude where this woman in black pukes on her and then it shows Lady Gaga munching on a heart and blood is dripping down her chin.  That was remarkable.  I saw the photo of her holding the heart and I could see the bite marks where she had been biting into it and I keep wondering if the heart was actually real.  It looked real, but it could have been fake I guess.  I wouldn't be surprised if it was real and it wouldn't bother me a bit. I actually love it.

To others, who don't understand, she is just Lady Gaga, but I see more than that, which I'm not going to go into detail.  All I'm going to say is watching her videos is like a watching live Satanic rituals on video and I seem to understand the messages she sends out.  I can see them as plain as day.   In an interview, I can't remember which one, she said when she is on stage she feels like she is inside her fans.  Well, sometimes I feel like she's inside me. Sometimes my vision will go blurry and then it feels like she's inside my head.  Doesn't happen all the time.  Just occasionally.  I've been told to stay away from her music but no fucking way am I going to do that.  I'm getting an MP3 player this week and I'm downloading all of her songs so I can take her music on the go.  The other night I had a dream about her and she was sitting in this throne with a guy standing on each side of her and I was standing before her.  That's all I remember.  I haven't figured out if it meant anything, but it's probably because I spent all day listening to her music.

I can't wait until her next single JUDAS comes out.  I was thinking about that and I ended up writing a ritual called THE SUPPER OF JUDAS on my Satanic Pride blog.  Of all the stuff I have written thus far, that seems to be one of my favorites.  I don't know where I come up with all this stuff.  Sometimes I see words, images, and ideas, forming in my head and so I write them as I see them happening.  I guess you can call it Divine Intuition.  Or maybe it's my inner Demon speaking to me.  I think it's both.  It doesn't matter as long as I can continue doing what I love.

The Mother of Monsters

For the past two weeks now I have gotten addicted to Lady Gaga.  I've watched her videos I don't know how many times and all I can say is, "Wow! She absolutely blows my mind."  I see and hear her videos inside my head but the fact remains.  She is incredible.

What fascinates me about her is that she really drives herself to achieve the impossible because in her eyes there is no impossible.  She just does it.  She is a risk taker, a go getter, and nothing gets in her way.  Despite what people say about her being mind controlled, they are so full of shit it isn't funny.  From what I've seen, she does those things because she wants to.

I listen to her music while I'm writing because it inspires me and, of course, it puts me in a devilish mood.  But now I know when the Jehovah Witnesses come around all I have to do to get rid of them is play some Lady Gaga and they'll turn and run like hell. Hail Mother Monster for the wonderful music!

Time Will Tell

Although I started out as a Modern Satanist, I seem to be slipping away from it each and every day.  But maybe it's just because I've been stressed out lately.   I have had this feeling that I can't fight any longer and I've been fighting it for a couple of months now.  My heart is telling me one thing but my mind is telling me something else.  The more I fight it, the more miserable I feel. I know I'm changing.  I can see it in my writing.  How this happened, I don't know.  It just did.

For example, if we Modern Satanists don't believe in Satan why do we call out to him?  This reminds me of Wiccans who use magick but yet they cast circles to protect them from gods and goddesses they call upon.  I'm starting to feel hypocritical.  It's like saying, "Hello, Satan.  I don't believe in you but I'm calling upon your name anyway. I hope you don't mind."  Maybe, in a sense, that is why I never took up ritualistic practices, but today, you know what happened?  I bought all the stuff I needed to do rituals with and it was like being under a spell. I just did it and I got all of it for under $100.  It was like, wow that worked out well.  Too well, in fact. 

I just don't know what beliefs I believe in right now and that's the problem.  Maybe if I stopped fighting this feeling and looked deep within, I would find the answer.  It seems when you look too hard for something you don't see it until you aren't looking for it anymore and that is usually when you realize the answer was in front of you the whole time.  Maybe that's what I need to do.  Stop looking so hard and just let the answer come to me when it's ready.