The new project I'm working on is called "The Diary of a Satanist" and this is a part of that project because everything I write on this blog is going to be put into a book. So first of all, I would like to tell you a little about myself before I proceed into the Unknown.
My Satanic name is Infinity but I didn't have a last name to put with it until now- I'll get that in a minute, but where I have three small children and live in a small town where everyone knows everyones' business, as much as I hate hiding behind a secret identity, I feel it is a necessity to me and my family to write under a different name. I gave myself the name Infinity about a year ago because my ideas are many and no one knows what I'm doing from one minute to the next. I have many projects and I work on them little by little each day depending how well my computer is working for me. Somedays I would just like to pick the thing up and throw out the window next to my desk. Of course, I always convince myself not to because until I can get a better one this piece of shit desktop is all I have. And I tell you, I've gone through two laptops in two years but my desktop is "old reliable." When all other computers fail, my Compaq Presario is always there waiting for my return.
I guess it shouldn't be a big deal to have a Satanic name because everyone seems to like it and it does fit me. It does look pretty good in print and I do have to say that it sounds good as well. It took me a few days of brainstorming but I'm picky and that isn't always a bad thing. Not for a Satanist anyway. But I have a couple of last names that I'm debating over which is Satanis or Luciferi-Excelsi. Like I said, I'm picky.
My background isn't all that different from most Satanists. As a child, my mother was a born again Christian and so me, my brother, and my sister all had to go to church. I went to church every Sunday from 9-12 then again in the evening from 6-8. I attended the Awana Club for three years and won two trophies for receiving the most points. I even attended a summer camp called Circle L for two summers in a row. During the closing ceremony my mom wanted to me to receive Christ as my savior and at the age of 11 I didn't have much choice. I remember my mom practically pushing me out of the pew to go up front. Two years later, I was baptized. I hated it and eventually my mother had to go to work after my father died and so we weren't made to go anymore.
You're probably wondering, "What does this have to do with anything?" Well, for starters, if you're a Satanist who has a similiar background, you might be struggling day to day with what you were brought up to believe in about Christianity. Second, I can tell you how I managed not to struggle with my faith in Satanism even though I was a Christian. And while we're on that topic, I will continue.
The main thing is having an open mind. You can't get into Satanism if your mind is closed to the Unknown. You have to expect the unexpected and listen to what your heart is telling you.
You have to get rid of the fear that keeps you from exploring the Unknown. Christianity places fear into the heart of the believer so they won't wander away from the teachings of God. This was the second thing I did, and I did this by reading The Satanic Bible written by Anton Szandor LaVey and whatever else I could get my hands on. To me, it was like taking the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and sinking my teeth into it. The flavor tasted sweet to my tongue and it was then that my eyes opened to the teachings of Satan. In the year that I've been into Satanism, I have not looked back once.
I am happy with what I have found because I was a Satanist all along. It just took me awhile to figure out what made me so special. I've come across people who said there was something special about me and I knew it too, but I just couldn't figure it out. I had only wished people would stop telling me how special I was and would tell me what made me special. Well, I finally figured that out by taking the first two steps mentioned above.
You also have to remember that some people are born into Christianity and some people aren't. It goes for Satanism as well. Some are born into it, some people aren't. Are you a born Satanist? And how can you tell if you are? Only you can answer the question and you can do that by digging deep into yourself.