I just hate it when people think they can come into my home and disrupt our lives and show up unannounced. "Oh, Ellie, is home. I think I'll stop in to annoy her." Just because I'm home every day does not give anyone the right to show up unannounced, unless of course they are a friend of the family or myself. Nothing pisses me off more than people who think because I have a lung condition I can't take care of my kids or myself. I've had this condition for eight years and they've been coming to my house for the past year. I know what I'm doing and I don't need them holding my hand. The more I think about their treachery, the more I want to tell them to go fuck themselves.
I am strong willed and determined and I try to stay focus at all times. Sometimes when I run out of medication for a condition that runs in my family called depression I have to struggle with negative thinking and I can get really dark, out of focus, and hateful to the people I love and admire. If I knew what antidepressants did to a person's mind when they weren't on them, I would have found a different alternative if there was one.
They work when you're on them but if it takes a week for a doctor to refill them when the prescription runs out like it always happens to me, it is pure hell for the individual and for the people around them. I don't know how hard it is for a doctor to call in a prescription. I called four days before I ran out and still had to wait a week. And they wonder why people go crazy.
What happens is, a chemical in the brain ends up getting dependent on that medication just like nicotine, alcohol, and drugs. The brain is happy when it has it but when it doesn't, it gets confused and is no longer feeling that happy feeling and so the brain starts to change. Sometimes this causes a person to go on a rampage, commit suicide, commit violent acts towards the people they swore they would never harm, but the brain isn't thinking right and so the individual loses control. In my case, I am taking 120 mg's of Cymbalta, two tablets daily. I don't understand why my doctor increased the dosage from 60 mg's to 120 mg's when I was feeling fine, but she did, and so when they take their sweet time refilling my prescription I can find myself in a really bad place in a real hurry. But my plan next time is calling a week ahead of time instead of four days before. Hopefully, I won't find myself there again but I'm not going to hold my breath.
Now I've come across a few people who are Satanists ( if you can call them that) and it makes me so angry when they lash out at people who has to take medicine for depression, personality problems, or whatever, and they make remarks that people with such ailments aren't Satanists; but losers who should be put out of their misery. Well, I'm sure all of you know who these Satanists are because they think if you hold a membership card, you are a true Satanist and those who don't are posers or whatever. (I'm trying not to laugh at their ignorance but I can't help myself) and this is another reason why I am no longer part of their organization. I'm more of a Satanist than they will ever be and that is the fucking truth. And it isn't exactly the Satanist's fault if they have such ailments that run in their family. This is something that can not be controlled.
But anyway, I have my medicine now and I can feel the change working in my brain again. In a few days I will be good as new and I'll be off to working on my projects again.