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Monday, January 17, 2011

On My Way Again

Tomorrow is Tuesday, the kids go back to school, which means I can get back to work on my projects.  Well, actually, that will have to wait until Wednesday because I have a couple of bitches who decided they were going to move our next meeting from Feb. 1 to tomorrow the 18th without notifying me of the change and so now I am going to let them have it. These are the rules.  1) They come to my house when I know they are coming unless I'm notified a few days ahead of time or they don't come at all.  The email that was sent to me was dated  Jan 3 and so this gave them plenty of time to CALL. They know the luck I have with computers and I told them I may not always be able to get to my email.  2) If this happens again I will cancel all services from both Community Concepts and Creative Innovations.  3) The workers who come in to work with my boys will no longer be working on the weekends.  My boys need to spend time with their father but my oldest son can't because his worker only wants to work on the days that she wants to.  Well that is going to end and she will either work three days during the week or not all.  4) My youngest son is going to have an evaluation done with "his" doctor whether they like it or not.  5) I will choose the counseling services that my kids need in order to deal with the death of their grandmother and aunt not them.  After all, I am the parent and I will do what I think is best for them.

I just hate it when people think they can come into my home and disrupt our lives and show up unannounced.  "Oh, Ellie, is home.  I think I'll stop in to annoy her."  Just because I'm home every day does not give anyone the right to show up unannounced, unless of course they are a friend of the family or myself.   Nothing pisses me off more than people who think because I have a lung condition I can't take care of my kids or myself.  I've had this condition for eight years and they've been coming to my house for the past year.  I know what I'm doing and I don't need them holding my hand.  The more I think about their treachery, the more I want to tell them to go fuck themselves.

I am strong willed and determined and I try to stay focus at all times.  Sometimes when I run out of medication for a condition that runs in my family called depression I have to struggle with negative thinking and I can get really dark, out of focus, and hateful to the people I love and admire. If I knew what antidepressants did to a person's mind when they weren't on them, I would have found a different alternative if there was one.
They work when you're on them but if it takes a week for a doctor to refill them when the prescription runs out like it always happens to me, it is pure hell for the individual and for the people around them.  I don't know how hard it is for a doctor to call in a prescription.  I called four days before I ran out and still had to wait a week.  And they wonder why people go crazy.

What happens is, a chemical in the brain ends up getting dependent on that medication just like nicotine, alcohol, and drugs.  The brain is happy when it has it but when it doesn't, it gets confused and is no longer feeling that happy feeling and so the brain starts to change.  Sometimes this causes a person to go on a rampage, commit suicide, commit violent acts towards the people they swore they would never harm, but the brain isn't thinking right and so the individual loses control.  In my case, I am taking 120 mg's of Cymbalta, two tablets daily.  I don't understand why my doctor increased the dosage from 60 mg's to 120 mg's when I was feeling fine, but she did, and so when they take their sweet time refilling my prescription I can find myself in a really bad place in a real hurry.  But my plan next time is calling a week ahead of time instead of four days before.  Hopefully, I won't find myself there again but I'm not going to hold my breath.

Now I've come across a few people who are Satanists ( if you can call them that) and it makes me so angry when they lash out at people who has to take medicine for depression, personality problems, or whatever, and they make remarks that people with such ailments aren't Satanists;  but losers who should be put out of their misery.  Well, I'm sure all of you know who these Satanists are because they think if you hold a membership card, you are a true Satanist and those who don't are posers or whatever. (I'm trying not to laugh at their ignorance but I can't help myself) and this is another reason why I am no longer part of their organization.  I'm more of a Satanist than they will ever be and that is the fucking truth.  And it isn't exactly the Satanist's fault if they have such ailments that run in their family.  This is something that can not be controlled.

But anyway, I have my medicine now and I can feel the change working in my brain again.  In a few days I will be good as new and I'll be off to working on my projects again.  


  1. Aagh, people are unbearable sometimes.

  2. I sure hope you can find another doctor. The one you describe here sounds downright irresponsible -- taking so long to call in a prescription, AND increasing your dosage when apparently not needed. I hope there's someone you can complain to. Perhaps you might also want to consult a medical malpractice lawyer?

    As for the people who visit you unannounced -- how have they responded when you ask them not to do that?

    Anyhow, I agree with your annoyance at those people in the Satanist scene who think that someone with a serious illness can't be a Satanist.

  3. The idea is that such a disability is a weakness. And it is unless you are able to grab it by the horns and still rise in spite of it. Then that can be respected. I think the wolves might be more used to people with disabilities whining about it and using it as a crutch not to excel.